I’ll meet you there.
Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face
YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES
damn selfish babies taking up all the space
NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?
FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.
- NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
- ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
- VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.
SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.
NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.
SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING.
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)
DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE.
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.
Greatest rant ever.
reblog for the comments
MOMMY IM SORRY
Disney Concept Art
Toothless is so cute here.
HIS NOSTRILS ARE PINK ON THE INSIDES
YOU CAN SEE THE EDGES OF HIS SCALES
HE’S STILL COVERED IN DIRT AND SOOT FROM THE FIGHT
DREAMWORKS WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME
how could you not want a toothless on your dash
can we talk about hiS EYES
NSFW. No really. SUPER NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
But it is hilarious and you need to watch this in a safe place where people won’t give you horrified looks.
I THOUGHT U WERE KIDDING OMG
1964 was an eventful year — a half-century ago, humans were making strides toward space travel beyond the Earth’s orbit, and Tokyo hosted the 18th Summer Olympics. The Beatles took America by storm, as Race Riots gripped big cities — and the the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed into law. Boxer Cassius Clay became Muhammad Ali and the heavyweight champion of the world. Cyprus devolved into civil war between Turks and Greeks, and President Lyndon Johnson escalated U.S. involvement in the Vietnam War.
- The prize-winning coiffures in a contest in Munich, Germany on May 1, 1964. They were designed for evening wear and hairdressers said anyone with a little time can copy them.
- A bloody encounter - Police officers struggle with man dripping wet from blast of fire hose during rioting in Rochester, new York in July of 1964. Blood streaks down man’s face as he is taken into custody by police. Fire hoses failed to calm the man, who had been taunting police from his porch.
- Bob Dylan plays a bass guitar in a restaurant on June 15, 1964.
- Flying low over the jungle, an A-1 Skyraider drops 500-pound bombs on a Viet Cong position below as smoke rises from a previous pass at the target, December 26, 1964.
- Sonny Liston, right, lowers his head and works in close during the sixth round of heavyweight championship fight against Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) in Miami Beach, Florida, on February 25, 1964. Ali won the fight, and the heavyweight title, in a controversial bout.
- Top Chinese communist leader, Chairman of Communist Party (CCP) and President of the Republic, Mao Zedong examines a home-made semi-automatic rifle during his visit to a military exhibition by the Beijing Units of the People’s Liberation Army in June of 1964.
- Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Sandy Koufax, at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, California, on June 26, 1964.
- Children in a Hong Kong refugee resettlement area watch as former Vice President Richard Nixon shows them his badminton service. Nixon visited Hong Kong, April 4, 1964, during a tour of countries in the Far East.
- This outline of black and white gives strollers at the 1964 New York World’s Fair a peaceful appearance as they pass the water fountains and soft lights playing at the base of the Unisphere Fountain of Continents.
- Rifle muzzles bristle on a rocky hillside in Cyprus on February 23, 1964, as Greek Cypriot trainee policemen undergo an arms drill in rough terrain outside Nicosia. All the recruits have joined the force since the emergency spawned by communal strife in the Island.